Most people have heard of some horror stories when it comes to separation and divorce and would prefer not to go through it themselves. Oppositional divorces are typically associated with high legal costs, high levels of stress, and extended conflict that negatively affects all involved, including children. The guidance and assistance provided by an experienced law firm will assist in providing a smoother divorce process, but there are ways of coping with and preparing for divorce that will assist your family in transitioning from a one-household family to a two-household family without jeopardizing the functionality of your family connections or your family savings.
Here are 5 tactics to do before you divorce for a healthy separation:
Set aside feelings of pain and anger
Separating your own emotions from the technical process is another approach to staying dedicated to a peaceful and respectful divorce. Make a persistent, purposeful effort to avoid blame-shifting, scorekeeping, and all of the other reasons your marriage was not healthy in the first place, no matter how you may feel about your ex-spouse. It can be natural to feel wounded or angry in these circumstances, but it is recommended to work through those feelings with a counselor or therapist and keep them out of divorce settlement discussions. Focusing on personal issues will prohibit you from working together to establish common ground on finances, parenting rights, and shared assets. Even if one spouse may be “more at fault” than the other, a judge will not deny that individual their share of the assets or parenting time with your children. As a result, it is in everyone’s best interests to keep emotions in check and maintain a courteous manner during this entire process.
Prepare and get organized
Hundreds of important decisions must be made during the divorce process that will influence your life and your children’s for years to come. Generally, the better organized you are, the higher the quality of your discussions and the resulting settlement agreement will be. If you choose a qualified lawyer to represent you in your case, they will take you through a rigorous discovery process to assist you financially prepare for the divorce talks that will follow. However, some financial planning ahead of time, before you begin your divorce proceeding can also help.
Make a list of your assets and debts with your spouse and start gathering copies of all financial statements/records, such as your most recent federal tax returns, pay stubs, bank account statements, brokerage account statements, credit card statements, insurance policies, retirement accounts, mortgage statements, car loan statements, and other marital assets. Gathering all this necessary information can make the divorce process go smoother. Create a marriage budget so you may understand your present monthly costs as a couple as well as your predicted monthly expenses for when you are separated and living in your individual homes. It is not required and may be harmful, to begin negotiating the issues without the assistance of a skilled expert. Your main goal at this time is to be well prepared and to begin financial planning for the divorce and preparing for the discovery phase of the divorce process.
Discuss the various options for an amicable divorce
Before discussing your conflict resolution choices, it can be helpful to do some research on all available options. Learn about mediation, mediation/arbitration, and collaborative law, and then discuss your various options so that both parties are on the same page in terms of benefits and drawbacks. Discuss which option seems most suitable given the intricacy of your challenges and your current capacity to communicate with one another. You may discover that one individual has no choice while the other is pulled to a specific process option. It may be tough to agree on a procedure at first. Choose the path of least resistance and a method that each of you might be comfortable with as a test run. You may next focus on selecting an appropriate professional. Since the procedures are optional, any of you may choose to terminate the initial step if you believe it is not working well for you.
Select a family mediator or lawyer
Regardless of the dispute resolution process you choose, and even if you do not hire a lawyer to represent you from the start of the process, you should seek independent legal advice from a family law lawyer at some point during the process, whether at the start, halfway through negotiations, or before signing the draft Separation Agreement. Seek out referrals, inquire with your friends, neighbours, coworkers, and family members about certain family law lawyers. You should find out what they liked and disliked about the various lawyers. This is crucial, since the other person’s goals may be very different from yours, and the referral may not be suitable for your case.
Remember that lawyers are not all the same, even within the same field of law, as some are peacemakers at heart, while others excel at debate and banter, some are diplomatic, while others present themselves as an aggressor. Some may be more focused on the big picture of reaching an overall resolution, while others are focused on advocating for a win on every legal issue. Some may argue that these are all tactics that any lawyer can use based on the situation, rather than traits. A cooperative problem solver and a tenacious litigator have quite different skill sets, experiences, perspectives, and intuition. Most lawyers will be stronger in one or the other style. Lawyers who also function as mediators may have a more resolution-oriented demeanour. When selecting a mediator or lawyer it is recommended to find one that fits your needs. Creating a meeting with prospective lawyers and mediators and asking them the necessary questions can better help in the selection process as they must be someone with whom you will like to work with during this divorce process.
Think of others that are impacted
Divorce may be a stressful event for children, although research indicates that most children adjust successfully within two years of the divorce. On the other hand, children frequently face more issues when parents stay in high-conflict marriages rather than divorce. During a divorce, parents may do a lot to help their children adjust. Make every effort to keep any dispute away from the children. Ongoing parental disagreement raises the chance of psychological and social disorders in children. It is generally beneficial for divorced parents to collaborate on a plan and give it to their children. Maintain open channels of communication as well since children benefit from open discussions about the changes in their family’s life. In addition, parent education programs that focus on strengthening the bond between parents and their children have been demonstrated to help children cope better in the months and years following a divorce.
Divorce can be a challenging process but if you can keep these tactics in consideration, they may help in a smooth divorce process and ultimately a healthy separation for all those involved. Every case is different which means there are always different hurdles to get through. Professional assistance that is offered by an experienced and reputable law firm can help in bringing a resolution to you and your family. At AGS Law we offer comprehensive family law services in Barrie and South Eastern Ontario, our team is here to assist you with any of your family law needs. Please give us a call today 705-735-0003 and let us help you.
